mind vomit

hey there

just checking in

its been a minute indeed

I haven't been able to write

wish I could say I’m in heartbroken slump

but no

no - that's too easy

that pain is familiar

common, comfortable

no - this

this pain

is different

its worse

its unknown

its frightening

its all encompassing

being heartbroken would be a privilege

this pain is subtle and slow

but vicious all the same

it is raw

it is scary

it is fear

I am afraid

I am lost

I don't know how I found myself here

another mess

I have created at my own volition

wow

is this any indicator of my mental state

I am in over my head

what was I thinking

truly

I wanted to run

and I did

but not away from my problems

they just hit me even harder

the universe chuckles

-mind vomit